from Liberia to the US?

Yes, it is a drastic change in plans.

I don't know how to say this in a politically correct way, or even in a way the communicates our passion about this...but since it's our blog...I'll just say it straight. We know our child is black probably like most couples know their children will be born to them. When we picture our family, we see beautiful black children. So, basically our options were Ethiopia, domestic adoption, or a different African country, which would have been far riskier than Liberia. Our first inclination after we had decided to withdraw from Liberia was to go through Ethiopia. But, we decided to also explore domestic adoption.

About 500 children born in the US are adopted to other countries every year (mostly Canada and European countries).

We have good friends who adopted their little girl domestically last year, and are in the process of adopting domestically again. We sat down with them and talked through all the things that initially scared us away from a domestic adoption. As it turns out, most of our beliefs about domestic adoption were based on faulty information.

While 75% of expectant mothers placing a baby for adoption are carrying a black or biracial baby, only 10% of couples building their families through domestic adoption are hoping to adopt a black or biracial baby.

Some things that scared us away from domestic adoption originally were the process, openness in adoption, and the fear of an expectant mother changing her mind. I'll be sharing my views and debunking some myths in the coming posts.

But, for now, I'll just add a couple pictures of our progress in the nursery:

5 months along

We are "5 months along"-5 months into the adoption process.

When we were at the very beginning of the process, people would tell us..."just wait, you think you're going to adopt in one way, and it will turn out completely different" and "the only thing for sure about adoption is nothing is for sure". Yeah, we listened, but didn't actually think it would happen that way with us!

...5 months later...

We are on a completely different path than we ever expected! In fact, we are about to go down the very path we had quickly eliminated from the start!

Our son is not in Liberia...

...He's in the USA!

(at least, we think he is...you know, "the only thing for sure about adoption is nothing is for sure"!)

More details to come soon! It's Wednesday...SAY Yes day! And I haven't planned the Bible lesson yet...

love you whoever you are

The lyrics to the first verse of "Happy Birthday" by Flipsyde are:

Happy Birthday

So make a wish

Please accept my apologies
I wonder what would have been
Would you have been a little angel or an angel of sin?
Tom-boy running round hanging with all the guys
Or a little tough boy with beautiful brown eyes?
I paid for the murder before they determined the sex
Choosing our life over your life meant your death
And you never got a chance to even open your eyes
Sometimes I wonder as a fetus if you fought for your life
Would you have been a little genius in love with math?
Would you have played in your school clothes

and made me mad?
Would you have been a little rapper like your poppa The Piper?
Would you have made me quit smoking

by finding one of my lighters?
I wonder about your skin tone the shape of your nose
And the way you would have laughed and talked fast or slow
I think about it every year so I picked up a pen

Happy Birthday
Love you whoever you would have been

Happy Birthday

I stumbled across this song a couple months ago, and again last week. Last week, I heard it right before I got the mail, and found that Brett's daddy had ordered him a couple of Packer onesies. Bryan loves his son, a son that he did not create. Bryan's love is filled with anticipation and joy. In this song, The Piper also shares that he loves his unborn child...the child he chose to abort. But The Piper's love is filled with regret and sorrow. The Piper admits the selfishness and fear the brought him to end the life of his baby, and that he made a mistake. Part of what breaks my heart about this song is that, true to the statistics, The Piper explores two options: abortion and parenting the child. Among unplanned pregnancies in the US, about half choose to abort, about half choose to parent, and 2% place their child for adoption. I wonder how the lyrics of this song would have been different if The Piper had chosen to place his baby in the arms of a loving adoptive family. Maybe it would have gone something like this:

Happy Birthday

So make a wish

Please accept my sacrifice

I wonder how you've been

Are you a little angel or do you give your parents trouble?

Little boy running around playing with your dad

Little boy growing big with beautiful brown eyes

I chose to give you the family I couldn't be, little boy.

I chose to give you breathe, and a future you deserve

I saw you open your eyes in the nurse's arms

As I said good bye, I'm glad I fought for your life

Your parents say you're a little genius in love with math.

They say sometimes you disobey, but they love you anyway

Wonder if you'll be a little rapper like your poppa The Piper.

Hope you listen to your mom and dad, they seemed nice.

Your skin is bronze and you have my nose.

Hope you know how much I love you

I think about you every year, so I picked up a pen

Happy Birthday

Love you whoever you are

Happy Birthday

Brett, we love you whoever you are. You are growing in our hearts. We're so thankful your first family is choosing to give you life.

birthday

This week I am celebrating my first annual 29th birthday! We knew it was going to be a busy week, with Bryan out of town on a business trip, and SAY Yes! launching for the year. So, we decided to celebrate on Saturday.

We started the cold morning out by participating in a 5k fundraiser for Union Gospel Mission. The trail was in the woods, and a really nice fall walk-we finished in just under an hour-we were not actually in a hurry! Then we went and had a big breakfast.

Since it was my birthday, Bryan complied with my request to go with me to a Mothers of Multiples sale. I found some cute jammies for Brett, and Bryan found Brett a Packer sweatshirt.

That was followed by a nice long football nap. I think my best naps occur when the football game is on! Rocky loves football season because she knows she can nap on Bryan's lap without being disturbed for 3 hours.

After that, Bryan beat me at a fierce game of Rumicube!

And where do the gifts come in? Well, I have an effective approach to gifts and Bryan. It works out really well. I tell him exactly what I want (no hinting here!) and where to get it. That way I'm never disappointed, and Bryan is never stressed out about it! It's win-win! So, for my birthday, I went on amazon.com, picked out 2 used CDs, put them in my virtual cart, passed the computer to Bryan, and he checked out! Happy Birthday to me!

We are hoping Brett will be home before my second annual 29th birthday.

why a boy?

Top 10 reasons why Bryan and Joy are set on adopting a BOY!

(intended for comic relief only)

10. Football, hockey, baseball...these are a few of Bryan's favorite things!

9. Monster trucks, rodeos, "nights of destruction" at the races...a few of Joy's favorite things!

8. Our cat, Rocky, wants a little brother to boss around.

7. Playing in the mud is more fun than playing "dress up".

6. Joy deals with enough girl drama at school.

5. We only have one bathroom.

4. He will have a nice selection of "preapproved" prom dates amongst our circle of friends, who have mostly daughters.

3. We don't like to shop.

2. Being responsible for a little black girl's head of hair is very intimidating!

1. Can you imagine the teasing a poor little girl named "Brett" would receive?

Brett, where in the world are you?

As it turns out, not in Liberia.

In his heart a man plans his coarse, but the Lord determines his steps. John 14:18

As we learned more facts about the US Embassy in Liberia and the reasons for the change in policies, it became clear that we had a big decision to make. We could stay or we could go. Torn, we sought wise counsel and we prayed for the Lord to determine our steps. Since we had not been matched with a Liberian child yet, and some other information we're not sharing here, we withdrew our request for a child in Liberia.

We are sad. But we can't help but believe God is working to bring Brett home even now.

Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

So, where in the world is Brett? Buckle up! This could be a wild ride!