"not today"

A few weeks ago, in a moment of desperation being a good counselor-mom, I set up star charts for the kids.  Each child has a behavior-specific goal, and when he or she earns a certain number of stars, they receive a reward to recognize effort in changing an undesirable behavior.

One of my children's goal is to not refuse to comply when he/she is told to do something.  We were in a very public place when the child was...not complying.

"[Child's Name], remember your goal.  Don't you want to earn a star?", I asked *calmly*, aware of my audience.

The child stopped, thought, and then responded.

"Not today."  And continued to not comply.

The child's desire to disobey not only outweighed a desire to please me, but also the incentive I had set up.  It completely frustrated me.  I was brainstorming ways I could get the child to change the behavior when I was reminded that my child has a free will, and it is a gift from God.  My child is not a remote-control car, that I can steer this way or that, accelerate or stop.  I can guide my child by setting an example, teaching - and rewards and consequences.  But ultimately my child makes his/her own choices.

How often is my response to God, "Not today"?

Spend time with Me.

"Not today."

Love your enemies.

"Not today."

Give generously.

"Not today."

Forgive.

"Not today."

Value without judgement.

"Not today."

Humble yourself.

"Not today."

Express thanksgiving.

"Not today."

Remember the least of these.

"Not today."

Trust Me.

"Not today."

And then I was reminded of my own words often used on my children - "Obeying is doing it right away, all the way...with a smile." : )

reggie's love language

Blame it on environment, Reggie doesn't do "alone" well.  Naturally, as the baby of the family and only 8 months younger than his sister, he has become dependent on the constant interaction with others.  That is why, when Lydia was feeling under the weather and spent five hours in bed on a Thursday afternoon while Brett was at school...well, let's just say - it wore me out.

Ever heard of the five love languages, based on this book (and many other titles by Chapman)?  The basic premise is that people tend to express and receive love in one or two of five different ways (quality time, acts of service, physical touch, words of affection, and gifts).  Bryan's love language is acts of service, and he tells me he loves me every night when he cleans up the kitchen.  My love language is quality time, which is why I am always the date planner.

Reggie's love language is physical touch.  Which is not even in my top three, which is a relief to Bryan.  But physical touch is the way Reggie expresses and receives love whether we like it or not.  My theory is it's related to how much time he spent attached to me the first 18 months of his life.



I try to be understanding, really I do!  The boy is showered with hugs and kisses and cuddles.  But, sometimes, I've given all the physical touch love I've got for the day, and his tank's still on empty.  Mostly for entertainment value, today I challenged him not to touch me for 10 minutes and established a reward.  I set the kitchen timer, and Bryan suggested he go play in another room, so as not to be tempted.  One minute passed, he was back in the kitchen and heading my direction.  Bryan reminded him of the reward, and he made a u-turn.  Two minutes-repeat.  Four minutes, and his urge got the best of him.  Have I mentioned Reggie also does not have the best impulse control? 

I'm praying God gives him a spouse who speaks his language.

Momma said, "There'll be days like this"...or did she?

You know, the days where you are awakened an hour before your idea of a good time to wake up - for the third day in a row - by a child with a wet bed - for the third day in a row.  And another child wakes up with a cough and the shivers, and when she goes to lay on the couch and before you can come back with a blanket and pillow, she has thrown up, and another child is "cleaning it up".  You manage to make and clean up breakfast, put the sick child in the tub for a soak, throw the pee-soaked bedding in the wash, and tackle the couch with the shampooer.  You look around, and the house you had put back into order the night before is littered with blankets and legos and random puzzle pieces.  The not-sick kids ask for a snack - you look at the clock...and it's 8:17.

Momma said, "There'll be days like this"...or did she?

Of coarse not.  Who, in their right mind, would sign up for that?  It reminds me of when Mom came to stay with us, anxiously awaiting the arrival of our little Lydia, and told me that labor was going to hurt.  She was about 40 weeks late with that advice!  Yes, labor would hurt, and to my ignorant surprise, the recovery was worse.  But the pain was quickly (almost) forgotten, after all, just look what I got out of it!

The days like this?  Well, there will be more of them.  I'm guessing Thursday.  But yesterday when I got home from my half-day of work for the week, Reggie squeezed me like I had been gone for days.  When Brett got off the bus from preschool, he could hardly wait to show me the penguin he had made.  And when Lydia was listening to music, she took my hand with expectant eyes, and we twirled around the living room like we were at a princess ball.

I had no concept of the long hours and mess and labor of motherhood before diving in. I'm glad Mom didn't tell me, because the joys of motherhood are far greater than could ever be known other than to experience them myself.

Thanks, Mom.  Thanks all the times you wiped my nose and cleaned up my vomit and comforted me in the middle of the night even though you were tired.  And thanks for not telling me, "There'll be days like this".

(During the writing of this post, two kids were sent to time-out, another kid got a bath, and there was another "incident" to clean up in the bathroom involving another bodily function.)

quote of the day

Reggie was giving me "love pats" while I was helping Lydia with something.

Me: "Reggie, stop."

Reggie: "I'm just doing it for attention, Mom."

december

Did most of December really slip by without me even uploading my photos?  Yup. It has been a whirlwind of a December complete with three bouts of illness running through our family, business trips, birthdays, family gatherings, and - another- funeral.  Please don't take offense that you didn't receive a holiday greeting from us - nobody did.  But our holiday season was - full.  Full of special people, tradition, memories, joy, celebration, faith, snow, stockings, and cookies!

Santa knows if he's been bad or good - and he's sweatin' it!

First snow!

All dressed up before his Christmas program!

Buckle up for safety!

So our table does seat 12 - 13 counting baby!

Merry Christmas!

Five minutes later.

Found a great spot for a little indoor hockey.

The family Christmas Day

Twenty degrees- a perfect day for sliding.

The kids had a blast -

- young and old!

Count them - that's 12 great-grandkids ages 3 to 21.  All my parents' grandkids, two greats not present.

People say Christmas is "for the kids".  I think I had even more fun.  But I was happy to see the tree go back up in the rafters and needed three days to recover.