adoption is ugly

It's National Adoption Awareness Month.  If you've been on this journey with us for a while, you've seen us ache for children who need families, glow with anticipation, over-the-moon with tiny bundles in our arms, campaign the value and equal-ness of adoption as a way to build families, and truly delight in our children.

But let's be real.  Adoption is ugly.  You know that whole part about his first mom not raising him? We can't just skip that part or gloss over it or tell the story once and close the book.  No, he wonders and imagines and can't make sense of this reality of being adopted.  He wants to know e-v-e-r-y detail about his first mom and birth history, stuff we don't know (like why?) and stuff he isn't, in my opinion, ready to hear. It's a daily conversation we have, some days an ongoing theme, almost always initiated by him.  And if he's talking about it so much, I know it's on his mind even more. 

It hurts me.  Not at all because I'm insecure about my position of "Mom".  I've heard, and understand, some adoptive moms feel hurt, believing if a child wonders or feels sad about the loss of his first mother, she hasn't "done/been/loved/bonded enough".  We moms are great at blaming ourselves for things.

But it's not about me.  I'm Mom, and no one is questioning that. But I'm Mom because she isn't.  There is a brokenness in his heart and I can't fix it. That's why it hurts me, I am on this journey of grief with him.  As exhausting as it is, I'm thankful he allows me to be a part of his journey and pray that I will always be approachable and receptive with patience.  Because sometimes I want to gloss over the sad parts and get to the happy ending. I want to close the book and put it on a shelf.  Easy for me, I lost nothing and gained everything through adoption. So, in honor of National Adoption Awareness Month, I resolve to hate the ugliness of adoption with my son.

I'm still here.

This fall has been busy and... rough.  Grandpa's sickness, passing, and the aftermath, have taken their toll.  We've done the usual fall fun with the kids... apple orchards, pumpkin patches, nature walks, Halloween (why do I think I really need to make their costumes?) but truthfully my heart hasn't been in it.  We've done more traveling than usual. Oh, and we're getting our kitchen remodeled!  So here we are with snow on the ground and Brett and Lydia's birthday celebrating has already begun! 

Plus, I keep putting off updating the blog because I can't get pictures from my phone to download to my tablet.  I have to email them to myself- five at a time.  Alright, enough whining. 

Daddy Daughter Princess Ball

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11 lessons from my grandpa

1. Give generously.  Matthew 6:19-20
2. Work hard, but not on Sunday. Proverbs 14:23; Exodus 20:8
3. Even Lutherans go to heaven. Galatians 3:28
4. Pray without ceasing. 1 Thessalonians 5:17
5. Love your neighbor, and not just the pretty ones. Matthew 5:46-48
6. It tastes better when you grew it.  Proverbs 12:11
7. Cherish your spouse. Ephesians 5:21, 25
8. Honor those serving in ministry. 1 Timothy 3:13
9. If it breaks, fix it.  Ruth 2:3
10. Speak up when it matters. Matthew 21:12-13
11. Actions speak louder than words. 1 John 3:18

 

In Loving Memory

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."

 Psalm 16:8

52 glue sticks: first days of school

"Back" to school was quite an adventure this year, going from one student to three students!  Compiling the supply lists, it required 52 glue sticks and a mountain of other supplies. 

Brett, on hisfirst day of First Grade.  He does not have strong interests When many kids choose products with superheroes on them, Brett picks shirts with sharks or tacos or monkeys playing guitar on them.  But he was very specific that he wanted a blue backpack with one strap.  I think this one was intended for a high school student, but it pleased my son!

 Lydia, on her first day of Kindergarten.  Like probably many other little girls, Lydia chose a Frozen shirt and, not as popular according to her, matching My Little Pony backpack and lunchbox.  She wanted her hair cut short "like Naomi's" (her cousin).  Isn't it adorable?

 Reggie, on his first day of Preschool.  Reggie sported a Ninja Turtles shirt and backpack.  Reggie is going to school three mornings a week and stays for the afternoon on Thursdays (the day I work).

Aren't they cute getting on the bus?  I bribed Brett with pop the first week to sit with his sister.  He talked a big talk (like he was too cool to sit with his little sister) but they are still sitting together, and he is not getting pop for it!



 

We are in our third week of school and everyone appears to be off to a good start.  Reggie told me when I picked him up the first day, "I like preschool, and I made seven friends!"  Knowing Reggie, he probably did.  Lydia comes home everyday with a big smile and tells us all about her day.  I can't believe how well Brett has been doing his homework!  My babies are growing up.

football party

We decided to break tradition and not have Reggie's birthday party in Green Bay this year.  I thought it would be fun to just have a backyard party, taking advantage of the summer birthday.  I had already surfed pinterest for ideas for a ninja turtle party when Reggie surprised me with a request for a football party.  Well, that's easy!  I already had the cake pan, and it's not hard to find Packer/football décor around our house!

 Back on pinterest, I found an idea for a goalpost. Bryan constructed it to not need stakes into the ground (we have an in-ground sprinkler system).  The football field was definitely the hit of the party, and the kids are still having fun with it.

 We invited four of Reggie's friends, and on the invite, I said "moms and siblings welcome to stay or go"... we ended up with a total of 16 kids, 5 moms and Bonnie!  It was crazy fun and I was thankful for a nice day.  I have adorable pictures, but not posting because I didn't ask the moms for permission.

 What a fun way to celebrate Reggie's 5th birthday, and welcome football season!

last blast of summer

Here's some random picture highlights from the month of August:

We kicked off the month at Training Camp in Green Bay.  The vacation was one for the books (see previous post) but we did manage to make it to two big highlights-Family Night -the first time the kids went, and Bay Beach, which is a small cheap amusement park that the kids love.

We found a new museum focusing on the world of engineering.  It was a lot of fun!

Gotta love free concerts in the park!

Beach days!

Playground Days!



Car show and ice cream!



Brett and I road tripped to South Dakota.  Brett likes donuts.

And playing pool with grandpa!

The zoo's butterfly exhibit

Also at the zoo- check out the creature above Lydia's head....

One of our favorite parks.

So one of the kids' favorite things to do is throw rocks...

A local nature center with a 12 foot climbing wall offers this advice....

MeeMaw and Papa came to visit one last time before school started. We showed MeeMaw the school playground!