Wednesday, October 10, 2007
"openness" in adoption
Almost a year ago, Bryan and I attended an adoption fair at our church. They had a panel made up of all members of the adoption "triad" (adoptive families, birth families, adoptees). The discussion topics quickly came to one of the most sensitive and controversial issues in domestic adoption today-"openness" in adoption. To be honest, this issue was our number one reason for not choosing to adopt domestically from the start, partly due to the discussion that night, that made us quite uncomfortable with "openness" in adoption.
"Openness" in adoption refers to the degree of a relationship between the members of the adoption triad before and after the adoption takes place. In the US, adoptions were primarily relative or community connections until the late 19th century when orphan trains began. From there, adoptions where closed, meaning no information was exchanged between the adoption triad, and they were completely confidential through the 1960's. In the 1970's, there were lots of changes in adoption, much to do with the legalization of abortion, and an increased acceptance of single parenting. "Open" adoptions started to take place, and increased in popularity in the 1980's and 1990's.
Everybody has a different opinion about "openness" in adoption, including Bryan and myself! Everything I read and hear about "openness" in adoption seems to be thick with an effort to coerce me into believing someone's agenda, which is why, atypical to most of my posts, I am not including any statistics. I can't seem to find any that seem "neutral".
What I think about "openness" in adoption is based on these beliefs:
"Openness" in adoption refers to the degree of a relationship between the members of the adoption triad before and after the adoption takes place. In the US, adoptions were primarily relative or community connections until the late 19th century when orphan trains began. From there, adoptions where closed, meaning no information was exchanged between the adoption triad, and they were completely confidential through the 1960's. In the 1970's, there were lots of changes in adoption, much to do with the legalization of abortion, and an increased acceptance of single parenting. "Open" adoptions started to take place, and increased in popularity in the 1980's and 1990's.
Everybody has a different opinion about "openness" in adoption, including Bryan and myself! Everything I read and hear about "openness" in adoption seems to be thick with an effort to coerce me into believing someone's agenda, which is why, atypical to most of my posts, I am not including any statistics. I can't seem to find any that seem "neutral".
What I think about "openness" in adoption is based on these beliefs:
- A woman/birth family is experiencing a great loss. When I have experienced loss in my life, at first, I really felt a need to stay connected, and as time went on, I went through the healthy stages of grief, and did not feel such a need to connect. I wonder if a lot of women/birth families like the idea of staying connected at first, but later on, need to grieve, heal, and move on with life.
- You probably won't hear this from an adoption agency, but many women/birth families do not want continued contact.
- "Openness" in adoption is a continuum. The only completely "closed" adoptions are ones where an agency arbitrarily select an adoptive family for a baby, and there is absolutely no disclosure of information between the triad. An adoption where the birth family chooses the adoptive family from "non identifying" information (our profile) is considered "semi-open". An adoption where the birth family becomes an extension of the adoptive family, potentially attending birthday parties, etc. is considered "fully open".
- Here's the biggest one for me: What is best for Brett? In my opinion, it lies somewhere in the "semi-open" range of the spectrum. I know Brett is going to be curious about his birth family, and I think his history should be honored, not a secret.
- We will go outside of what is comfortable for us to do what is best for our son.
- We will not dive head-first into the latest "trend" in "openness" in adoption, as we believe boundaries are a good thing.
That's my opinion. Bryan is free to post his!
Blogger's note: I am completely frustrated with my blog deciding how it wants to format itself, but don't know how to fix it...
Friday, October 5, 2007
but what about "crack babies"?
A legitimate question if you view the news or shows like 60 minutes or 20/20 very often. But news programs report the exceptional, not the ordinary.
I must say, this is one of the things we liked about Liberia. Folks in Liberia, for the most part, can't afford addictions.
Here is some information that might alarm you about "crack babies" in the US:
The percentage of "crack babies" born at any given hospital is approximately zero.
Researchers have found that the placenta in the womb may actually help protect the fetus from cocaine abuse by the mother.
"The very phrase 'crack baby' is, in any literal sense, a misnomer. Cocaine is rarely taken by itself. It's part of a stew of substances taken in a variety of doses and circumstances."
Longer-term studies show that many children who were exposed to cocaine can develop normally, in particular, when they grow up in a healthy environment.
www.totse.com/en/drugs/legal_issues_of_drug_use/crakbaby.html
www.drugabuse.gov/ResearchReports/Cocaine/cocaine4.html#maternal
www.druglibrary.org/schaffer/cocaine/crackbb.htm
I am not by any means saying that we expect to adopt a child who has been exposed to cocaine. I am just sharing that "crack babies" are not as common as we may think, and they certainly are not a lost cause.
Part of the application process is to give very specific information about what we consider "acceptable" substance use during pregnancy. Clearly, "none" is what I would choose if Brett was growing under my heart. But, Brett is growing under someone else's heart, and in ours. So, it is only fair to do the research and make informed decisions about long-term effects of substance exposure. As it turns out, there are other more socially acceptable substances that are far more "frightening" than cocaine!
The process of adoption is amazing in the way it requires us as parents to think about our hopes and dreams for our child. What is our goal in parenting? Is it to have a "perfect" child? Is it important to us to have a child who is a high-achiever academically (not to boast, but, like his mom and dad)? Do we hope our child will have the ability to live independently as an adult?
When we are answering a question on our application like, "Will you consider a baby with light/medium/heavy exposure to cocaine in the 1st/2nd/3rd trimester?", it all comes down to, "Are we the right parents for this child?"
A very difficult question to answer.
I must say, this is one of the things we liked about Liberia. Folks in Liberia, for the most part, can't afford addictions.
Here is some information that might alarm you about "crack babies" in the US:
The percentage of "crack babies" born at any given hospital is approximately zero.
Researchers have found that the placenta in the womb may actually help protect the fetus from cocaine abuse by the mother.
"The very phrase 'crack baby' is, in any literal sense, a misnomer. Cocaine is rarely taken by itself. It's part of a stew of substances taken in a variety of doses and circumstances."
Longer-term studies show that many children who were exposed to cocaine can develop normally, in particular, when they grow up in a healthy environment.
www.totse.com/en/drugs/legal_issues_of_drug_use/crakbaby.html
www.drugabuse.gov/ResearchReports/Cocaine/cocaine4.html#maternal
www.druglibrary.org/schaffer/cocaine/crackbb.htm
I am not by any means saying that we expect to adopt a child who has been exposed to cocaine. I am just sharing that "crack babies" are not as common as we may think, and they certainly are not a lost cause.
Part of the application process is to give very specific information about what we consider "acceptable" substance use during pregnancy. Clearly, "none" is what I would choose if Brett was growing under my heart. But, Brett is growing under someone else's heart, and in ours. So, it is only fair to do the research and make informed decisions about long-term effects of substance exposure. As it turns out, there are other more socially acceptable substances that are far more "frightening" than cocaine!
The process of adoption is amazing in the way it requires us as parents to think about our hopes and dreams for our child. What is our goal in parenting? Is it to have a "perfect" child? Is it important to us to have a child who is a high-achiever academically (not to boast, but, like his mom and dad)? Do we hope our child will have the ability to live independently as an adult?
When we are answering a question on our application like, "Will you consider a baby with light/medium/heavy exposure to cocaine in the 1st/2nd/3rd trimester?", it all comes down to, "Are we the right parents for this child?"
A very difficult question to answer.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
domestic adoption in a nutshell
We are choosing to pursue a private adoption rather than through foster care. The process starts the same as an international adoption with a home study. We are fortunate that we will be able to use our same home study, which is currently being revised, so we will not need to start from scratch. However, it does somewhat limit our options. Most in-state adoption agencies would require us to redo it, so we will be working with a placement agency or agencies out of state.
We are currently applying to Adoption Associates, Inc. in Michigan. Along with our application, we will be sending a "profile". Our profile is directed toward expectant mothers who are choosing families for their babies, and includes information about what the child's life will be like as a Wedan in a photo album type format. Many women want to choose a family that will have their same religion and values or live in a certain type of community or have a similar ethnic background. If I start to talk about racial inequality in adoption, this would no longer be "domestic adoption in a nutshell", so I will save that soapbox for later. But, in a nutshell, a woman who is carrying a caucasian baby, or any race but black, will have many, many families to select from. A woman carrying a black or part-black baby will have limited or no families to choose from. Sadly, many women will not have the option of placing her black baby with a black family.
So, after a woman selects us to be her child's forever family, we will get some information about her situation, and decide if we want to go forward with the "match". A lot of times, this all happens during the third trimester of the pregnancy. However, sometimes, a baby will be surrendered at a hospital, and there is no adoption plan in place, in which case, the agency would select a family, and our family could go from 2 to 3 literally overnight. Also, sometimes a baby is born and the agency has been unable to find a suitable family. In that case, the baby is placed in temporary foster care until there is a family to adopt him.
Because we are adopting out-of-state, we will need to comply with Minnesota laws, as well as the laws of the state where the baby is born. Basically, this means that, when Brett is born, we will travel to his state, and we will be required to stay in that state with Brett for 1-2 weeks while some paperwork goes through the court.
You would think we would choose a warm vacation spot, like Florida, since we will be "stuck" there for a while. After all, we are approaching 8 long months of winter here in Minnesota! But, we're starting out with Michigan, because, among other reasons, it would be nice to have the option to drive, rather than fly.
Once we get back to MN, we will finalize the adoption here.
We are currently applying to Adoption Associates, Inc. in Michigan. Along with our application, we will be sending a "profile". Our profile is directed toward expectant mothers who are choosing families for their babies, and includes information about what the child's life will be like as a Wedan in a photo album type format. Many women want to choose a family that will have their same religion and values or live in a certain type of community or have a similar ethnic background. If I start to talk about racial inequality in adoption, this would no longer be "domestic adoption in a nutshell", so I will save that soapbox for later. But, in a nutshell, a woman who is carrying a caucasian baby, or any race but black, will have many, many families to select from. A woman carrying a black or part-black baby will have limited or no families to choose from. Sadly, many women will not have the option of placing her black baby with a black family.
So, after a woman selects us to be her child's forever family, we will get some information about her situation, and decide if we want to go forward with the "match". A lot of times, this all happens during the third trimester of the pregnancy. However, sometimes, a baby will be surrendered at a hospital, and there is no adoption plan in place, in which case, the agency would select a family, and our family could go from 2 to 3 literally overnight. Also, sometimes a baby is born and the agency has been unable to find a suitable family. In that case, the baby is placed in temporary foster care until there is a family to adopt him.
Because we are adopting out-of-state, we will need to comply with Minnesota laws, as well as the laws of the state where the baby is born. Basically, this means that, when Brett is born, we will travel to his state, and we will be required to stay in that state with Brett for 1-2 weeks while some paperwork goes through the court.
You would think we would choose a warm vacation spot, like Florida, since we will be "stuck" there for a while. After all, we are approaching 8 long months of winter here in Minnesota! But, we're starting out with Michigan, because, among other reasons, it would be nice to have the option to drive, rather than fly.
Once we get back to MN, we will finalize the adoption here.
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