happy halloween

Halloween happened to land on Wednesday - SAY Yes! day - this year! Costumes, games, face painting, pumpkin carving, pizza...I'm not sure who had more fun - the kids or the adults!!!

(portions of the images have been blurred)

We had a guest kitchen manager-Rocky!

missing the bump

Something very strange happened the other morning as I was waking up. In my delirious state, I instinctively reached down to feel Brett in my stomach. But there was no "bump" on which to place my hand! Brett feels like such a part of me! But I am missing the bump.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the courageous woman who is carrying Brett in her tummy. Does she have swollen ankles? Weird cravings? Is she always exhausted? What is she thinking and feeling every time Brett jabs her in her ribs? Does she have a hard time finding clothes that fit? Will she have a difficult labor? Will she always have stretch marks as a reminder of her sacrifice? How selfless it is to carry a child for nine months and choose to give her baby a family who is more prepared to parent him! It would have been so much easier for her to choose to abort him...but, instead, she is choosing to give him life and a family. Even if I never get to meet her, she will always have a special place in my heart-for carrying my little miracle, who has already beaten the odds!

One advantage to pregnancy over adoption: my ticker at the top of the page would be counting down rather than up!

6 months along...

We are 6 months along! So far, technically, we have not waited even one day for a child yet. This entire 6 months we have been working to fulfill the requirements to be eligible to adopt (about 3 months the result of our change of plans).

But we are getting very close to being eligible to be matched with a child! Since there is no way to predict when our son is coming, we have the challenge of being prepared to become momma and daddy within a couple weeks, and at the same time being prepared for a long wait. My good friend, who I am "paper pregnant" with, always says, "I'm pregnant! I just don't know if I'm in my first, second, or third trimester!"

Here's what we've been up to over the last month:

• Home study revised from Liberia to the US (completed last week)


• Sent out an application to An Open Door Adoption Agency in Georgia (last Friday)


• Put together a Life Book about what life will be like as a Wedan for potential birth mothers to view. (Ann, I really could have used your help! What a nightmare!)


• Applied for a grant to help cover some of the costs.
• Registered at target and amazon.com
• Window treatments! New fauxwood blinds from Grandma and Grandpa "Ardie"!


• I made a coordinating diaper bag with left over fabric.


• Bryan won a sleepy football for Brett on ebay.
• Reading: In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories by Simon and Roorda


• Reading: Insightful Parenting by my boss Dr. Steve Kahn. (Highly recommended!)


• Reading up on proper hair and skin care for Brett.


• Praying, praying, praying for our son!

Three smelly boys in the back seat...

...all priceless treasures to God.

In September, we took the SAY Yes! kids on a field trip to a basketball game. Bryan and I ended up with 3 boys in our car. They were all a little smelly, and a little dirty...as any 7- or 8- year-old boy should be. They were all hyper and loud and adorably annoying...as 7- and 8-year-old boys should be.

Three smelly boys in the back seat...

...one is black, one is hispanic, one is white...

...all priceless treasures to God.

My heart aches as I think about the value our culture places on these children, based on race alone. I have never come across more "black and white" evidence of this until we started to research domestic adoption programs. The economics of supply and demand have a disheartening reality. While, we are not "paying" for a baby, we quickly learned that many agencies have different fee scales set up based on the race of the child. A couple who seeks to adopt a healthy Caucasian infant, can expect to pay the full fee, and wait an average of about 18 months-2 years. A couple who seeks to adopt a not-100%-white, not-black infant can also expect to pay the full fee, but probably will not have to wait as long. Many agencies put black and part-black babies in the "hard-to-place" or "special needs" category, where there is a discounted fee scale, and a shorter time to wait. Some agencies even go so far as to have a discounted rate for the part-black program, and an even more discounted rate for the 100% black program. I'm not talking a few hundred dollars. I'm talking about thousands of dollars.

Yet, there are other agencies that find this practice unethical and degrading. Their fees are the same for any child, regardless of race. And they encounter the problem of searching desperately to find a family who will adopt a "hard-to-place" black baby. That baby is sometimes, as a result, placed in foster care or adopted internationally to a family in Canada or Europe.

Three smelly boys in the back seat...

...one is white, one is not-black, one is black...

...all priceless treasures to God.

All of this is quite difficult to stomach. We are talking about our son! How do we resolve this in our hearts and minds? We live in a race conscious society. We cannot escape it. We cannot pretend it does not exist. In our society, being white is the most "desirable", being not-black is better than being black, and being black is the least "desirable".

(The fact that Bryan and I are alarmed by this is testiment to the fact that we enjoy the privilege of being white.)

I do not blame adoption agencies. They are responding to the demands of the consumer. I hope and believe that their intention is to find loving homes for all children regardless of their race.

Bryan and I fully expect to face opposition from people of all racial backgrounds who think transracial adoption is wrong. And there are some compelling arguments for the challenges that we will face in bring up a healthy strong black man. And Brett is not choosing to have white parents.

But just because it is going to be challenging doesn't mean it is wrong. After all, our example is Christ, and Arin, Seven, and Jaime (the three smelly boys in the back seat) are all priceless treasures to God.