this is what I signed up for

At one of those rare and far between moments when I was not being the perfect mom, I caught myself muttering under my breath, "I did not sign up for this!"

It was a Monday morning after a busy weekend. On Mondays, I have to be out the door with the kids by 8am to get to Brett's therapy on time. The morning was filled with the usual chaos - a bed soaked from a leaky diaper, another sheet stained from a bloody nose, one child refusing to eat his breakfast, one child discovering a cup of coffee within his reach, and one child tantruming on the floor because...well, just because. The house had been somewhat-orderly just a half hour ago before the kids got up and now it was an obstacle course of highchairs, half-empty sippie cups, toys, winter gear, and backpacks- and no one except for me seemed to have any sense of urgency about getting to Brett's appointment. Before we arrived at our destination, I would put mittens on children at least 8 times, a hat would go missing, and a little girl would pull her socks and shoes off in the car for the fun of it.

Three years ago today, Bryan and I became parents. I treasure the memory of our nervous anticipation that day. After three weary days of travel, we arrived at a church (the foster mom's place of employment) and waited for a caseworker to meet with us - a stroller in our sight that most certainly contained our new son. I tried hard to hold it together, waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me. Back at the hotel, with the papers signed, we stared in disbelief at this baby who was now our son. We were parents. His adoption happened in a whirlwind, which has turned out to be how we do things around here.

There was no way of anticipating how Brett's adoption would seem to catapult us into parenthood. We have since wept many tears of joy, laughter, anguish, and sheer exhaustion. I've witnessed 3 babies' first steps; listened to my little girl sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" like an angel; seen my oldest receive two treats and, without prompt or hesitation, give one to his sister; and watched my youngest dance his little heart out to "Tutti Fruity".

Three years ago, if I could have set out how I wanted our life to be, it probably wouldn't have looked like this. But that's that beauty of life - blessings interwoven in our struggle to make a tapestry revealed only one day at a time. That is why when I muttered, "I did not sign up for this!", a deep inner conviction shouted back at me, "Oh, yes you did...and aren't you glad?"

Yes, I am. For all of it.