I'm gonna build a blue house next to yours, Mom

In a random moment, Brett made this declaration last week.

Lydia quickly chimed in that she was going to live in "Woodbury" and Reggie said he was going to live "far, far away".

And last Wednesday when I took Brett to the open house at his school and we left the rest of the family at home, he gripped my hand tightly.  And I wondered how long it would be before he thinks he is too old to hold his momma's hand.

He has waves of independence.  The last time we went to get his hair cut and Ms Donna called him over, he turned to me and said, "Don't go with me."

Letting go.  It's so hard to do.

This morning when I was sure he would make a scene at the bus stop and refuse to get on, he was all smiles and bounced up the steps.  I stood there awkwardly.  Do I wait for the bus to leave?  Do I turn away?  Is he really going to be okay?  Doesn't my son need me?

In an instant it hit me that my black son had just gotten on a bus full of mostly white kids, and here we have his white momma desperately trying not to melt into a puddle at the bus stop.  Kids can be so cruel, and if not cruel, at least curious, so I turned and walked away.

Letting go.  It's so hard to do.

I guess when your child is five, it's knowing when to hold on tight and when to turn and walk away.

I'm so proud of my son today, but I still hope he builds a blue house next to mine.

Brett's first day of Kindergarten