Between family gatherings and a summer school class, the housework, the blog, and the ministry I direct have been neglected. But I have lots of pictures from our weekends plus a very late 7 month, or maybe early 8 month, update to post, so hopefully that will get accomplished soon.
Before that, I have to write about my little girl and maybe get some feedback from my readers if I have any left. I've surrendered to the fact that Lydia is a "high needs" baby, and will probably always demand a bit more from me, though not actually need more, than Brett does. She tends to go about her day expecting me to meet her every desire for attention, not satisfied even for 10 minutes entertaining herself. But while I was in summer school, the various caregivers told me she was quite cooperative, and in particular, Bryan commented she is happy when I'm not around. I figured it was just circumstantial.
Until yesterday. Yesterday I had a meeting and Bryan stayed home with the kids. Lydia had a tantrum as I was leaving the house and it took a while for her to calm down. But after that, Bryan reports, she was happy and easygoing. When I got home, I opened the door to gleeful baby sounds while she was happily jumping in her jumper. Immediately when she realized I was home, she burst into a screaming fit and would not be soothed by anyone or anything but me.
While I'm not ready to use the term "manipulative" to describe a 7 months old's behavior, this is starting to seem like a learned behavior. So, I'm stuck! What am I supposed to do? Ignore her fussing and crying all day? I'll go nuts! Or is this just a phase that babies-except-for-Brett go through, and it will pass with time?
Any advice?
When Nadia was very young she was similar to Lydia. The first couple of months I couldn't make use of her bouncer or anything along those lines as she would cry if I wasn't holding her. Although now she doesn't sound as "high maintenance" as Lydia, Nadia still would be thrilled if she could have my attention almost all of her waking hours. Several months ago I started putting her in the pack n play with toys in it and her CD playing music in one room and I'd go to another room (such as the kitchen) and get some work done. If she fussed when I first put her in there, I didn't respond to the fussing, and she'd always stop fussing and switch to playing happily. I would come and get her pretty soon after she started fussing (after she had played for awhile). Over time the length of time she'd play happily by herself kept expanding 5 min to 10 min etc until she peaked at about 30 min. I don't do that any more bc now that she can run and walk she gets too frustrated to be in a confined space. However, I do a similar thing nowadays when I take my shower. I put her in the empty jacuzzi tub (with toys) that is in our bathroom. Sometimes she fusses when I first put her in there but then when she realizes I'm not coming then she starts playing happily. So maybe you can at least pick one time a day when you won't go get her right away if she has a fit and maybe the fussing won't last.
ReplyDeleteMy instinct is always to respond to Nadia right away, but lately sometimes I make her wait a little bit as I think she needs to learn a little patience. Lydia probably has more experience with that since you have two kiddos to care for. :-)
I agree I don't think a 7 month old is being manipulative, but it does sound like she is higher maintenance with you than with other people so I hope in time her behavior around you is more similar to how it is with everyone else.
My high maintenance child was my first. She's 3 now and pretty independent, but of the two kids, she still needs more "guidance" and we have to keep really good tabs on her. I found that as she acquired new skills, she became less demanding of me. The day she learned to walk was life changing. She started just shy of 1 and then she just took off with her imagination and her verbal skills. She became much more of an independent player with toys and activities.
ReplyDeleteBoth girls (3 & 16 months) act differently with me than with their dad. They both know I'm a softy and have higher needs when around me.
With Natalie, we instituted crib time. We've never had to do that with Alexis. But with Natalie, I would set a timer and she would play in her crib for a set amount of time (gradually getting longer). She threw the worst fits at first, jumping head first into the bars screaming! I called my mom crying and she said, "Randi she has to learn so try to put her in the pack N play, she can't hurt herself in there." I did, and she learned. Once she could walk we didn't need the crib time since she was happy playing by herself more.