growing like a weed

We took Brett in for his 1 month check up today. He slept right through it. We couldn't even get him to wake up enough for his doctor to check his eyes! Everything checked out. He weighs 9 lbs. 12 oz.! He's gained 2 lbs in 2 weeks! And he is 22 3/4 inches long, so he's grown an 1 1/2 since he was born.

Brett has his days and nights mixed up. Last night was particularly difficult. His doctor gave us some advise that will hopefully help out some.

first packer Christmas

Grandma and Grandpa Ardie with their three blessings!
Brett (3 weeks), Isaiah (20 months), Naomi (3 months)
First Packer Christmas! Being this cute wears a guy out!

Merry Christmas!

We're home

We made it home last night. It was a long trip for our little guy, but he was a great traveler. And what a wonderful homecoming we had. While we were gone someone broke into our house and decorated it with welcome home signs, left a huge stack of baby supplies on the table, and stocked our fridge with easy to prepare meals! Brett sure is loved!

But not by our cat. She was not very happy to see "the thing" that we brought home with us. He stinks a lot and takes up too much space on mom's lap.

Here are a few more shots we took during our trip:

God's Gift

Brett,

We are amazed at God's love when we look at you-when we hold you. Looking back on our journey over the last 8 months and beyond, we see the hand of God intervening at every turn to unite us with you. Without a doubt you are our son and we are your parents. We gave you the middle name of Theodore because it means "God's gift". And while we overwhelmingly feel you are God's gift to us, we humbly recognize that we are also God's gift to you! That is the miracle of adoption.

We love you, Brett Theodore Wedan!

I'm Number 1!!

Brett Theodore Wedan

We're in Georgia

It has been a long two days on not-so-pleasant roads, but we have arrived safely in Augusta, Georgia, the birthplace of our son! And in 12 hours we expect to be holding him in our arms. But who's counting!

So, it's 2 am, and I managed to sleep a sound 3 hours, better than the last few nights, and I anticipate, better than the next several nights as well! What a great time to fill in our blog readers with a few more details.



But first, one more picture - Bryan's favorite:
Poor little boy wearing pink jammies!

Brett's birth mother, Ms. April, did not have an adoption plan in place when she gave birth. What that means is, she had not contacted an adoption agency to get any resources or to choose a family for her baby. At the hospital, she made them aware that her wishes were to place her child with an adoptive family. The hospital randomly contacted An Open Door Adoption Agency. Believe it or not, even though Bryan and I had only been waiting for 6 weeks, we were the family that had been waiting for a boy the longest at our agency, and since Ms. April did not wish to choose a family for her baby, Brett became our son! We did not know about him until Ms. April had signed and the 10 day period for her to change her mind was up.

And that is why on Wednesday I was blogging about our Christmas traditions and on Friday I was posting pictures of Brett! On Thursday, An Open Door called and left a message, and we were not able to return the call until Friday morning at 8 am. I instantly knew the baby Debbie was describing was our son, and called Bryan at work to tell him he was a daddy. Pictures and reports were sent via email and by 9 we officially accepted the baby as ours, and by 10 am, I had grandmas screaming in 3 states!

What comes next? Today at 2 pm we are scheduled to meet Brett, his foster mom, and our case worker. We will sign some papers, and though it is just the beginning of more paperwork, we get to take placement of our son at that time! We will hang out in Georgia for a week or so while paperwork is being filed with the state of Georgia and then the state of Minnesota. We are hoping to be home by Christmas, but there is a possibility the paperwork will take longer than that.

I'm still pinching myself.

Our Little Christmas Gift!

"I have prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.” 1 Samuel 1:27

Brett was born on December 2nd in Georgia! He weighed 7 pounds 3 ounces and was 21 inches long. We got the news at 8 this morning!
He has very long fingers and Debbie at An Open Door tells us Bryan is going to have a tall son!
Alice, Brett's foster mother wrote this about Brett on Wednesday:

"He went to the doctor today. She said he's great. He weighs 7lb-12oz and is 22½ in. long...He is eating 4 oz or more at a feeding and sleeping at least 4 hours between feedings. He has a very sweet nature, is staying awake a little more and is a sound sleeper. He talks in his sleep! He is quite hot natured and doesn't like to be overdressed. He is a back sleeper -- really prefers it. Cord is gone; he has had a good bath and really seemed to enjoy the water. I think he was trying to swim."

Brett, Momma and Daddy are coming...we can't wait to hold you in our arms!

Christmas traditions

I love celebrating holidays and especially Christmas. One of my favorite things about celebrating Christmas is having special traditions. We have some that we have continued from childhood, and we have some that we've started since we were married. Here are a few:

The Advent Calendar

Bryan's mom always gets us an advent calendar. A few years back, she decided we were getting too old and didn't get us one. I had to correct her. And every year since, it is on our doorstep before December 1! We always laugh at how much she spends on shipping it!

Coke and Cookies

We drink Coke and eat fudge covered oreos while we decorate the tree. We buy the Christmas edition coke bottles and save one every year. "2003" is missing...

Ornaments

We buy a new ornament that helps us to remember a special memory from that year. Last year we picked out the baseball guy because we went to the Baseball Hall of Fame for vacation. We haven't bought one for this year yet, but Bryan says it will be a Packer one to commemorate that they clinched the division.

Stockings

This tradition sorta just happened, which I think are the best ones! I bought these cheapo stockings at the dollar store shortly after we married and hung them up. One said "Joy" and one said "Noel". The next day, I came home, and Bryan had altered his "Noel" stocking with duct tape. He didn't think it was fair for me to have a personalized one!

The Greatest Gift

We just started this tradition last year. The first gifts under the tree are these gold boxes. There is one for each family member (2 this year, hopefully 3 next year!). Inside each gold box is a portion of the Luke 2 passage. When we open gifts, the gold boxes are the first gifts we open, and we read Luke 2 to honor the greatest gift of our Savior born in a manger.

all the pieces of the puzzle

I have had a few people say to me, "I thought you'd have your baby by now." While it is true that Brett could come at any time, there are so many pieces of the puzzle that must fit together for Brett to find his home in our family.

Here are just a few pieces of the puzzle that factor into how long we wait:

1. Gender preference. That we are specifying a boy eliminates about 2/3 of potential situations-many expectant mothers do not know the gender of their baby.

2. "Openness" preference. We are choosing not to pursue a fully disclosed adoption where there are continued visits between the adoptive family and birth mother.

3. Special needs/drug exposure. In these areas, Bryan and I must make very difficult decisions about what child God has prepared us to parent.

4. Budget. This is a big one. We have this much money and many situations require THIS much money.

5. Expectant mother preferences. It is our hope that every expectant mother will have a few families to choose from for her baby. Many times an expectant mother will desire a certain race, religion, family size, geographic area, etc for her child.

6. Major changes in international adoption. All 3 of the "giants" in international adoption are experiencing major changes. Families just entering a China program can expect to wait 3-4 years. Guatemala adoptions are expected to shut down at the end of the year. Russia is experiencing major slowdowns. (Liberia, too!) As a result, many families (like us!) are reconsidering a domestic adoption.

7. Thousands of agencies. The number of agencies doing domestic adoptions across the US is overwhelming, as we have spent hours and hours researching which ones are a good fit for us. So far, we have selected 2 to have our life books at. We chose them because they very actively recruit families for babies who are black, and have comfortable fee structures. Consequently, they do have a nice "pool" of like-minded families for expectant mothers to choose. So, while, nation-wide, there is definitely a need for more families willing to embrace the joys and challenges of adopting a child of minority, there are enough families at these two agencies.

That is why Bryan and I decided to register for a referral service. Referral services network with agencies across the nation who need families for particular situations. Betty (the nice lady from the referral service) gets calls from these agencies, and then sends out emails to the families who have registered with her. If the situation seems like a good fit, then the family is connected with the agency.

In just two days, we have received five emails from Betty! So far, all the pieces of the puzzle have not fit together in any of the situations, but, it has only been two days!

Please pray for us as we are going through this process. It is very difficult to pray over an empty crib every night and wait patiently for God to unite us with our son.

call me crazy...

...but I'm thinking about going cloth...

...as in cloth diapers.

I know what you're thinking... Joy doesn't like doing the laundry...what do you do with the poo...leaks...messy...the house will smell...how uncomfortable for the baby...disposables are so convenient...how in the world do you use a safety pin with a squirmy baby...the list goes on.

But look at how far cloth diapers have come...

It's becoming so much easier to make the environmentally and pocketbook friendly choice.

I've done the math. We'd save about $1,000. (Cloth diaper sites say $2500, but I calculated my own bargain-hunting figures.) If you want to see my spreadsheet, I can email it to you! For that kind of savings, I might decide I like doing laundry.

And what do you do with the poo? Well, there's a solution for that, too:

Ignore the diaper in this picture. I'm not interest in that kind. But the top layer-the liner-can be used in the all-in-one diapers pictured above. So, if there's poo, the liner gets flushed-it's biodegradable. If there isn't poo, an experienced cloth diaper user tells me you can wash and use the liners about 3 times.

The downside is the initial investment. The diapers I've pictured are $15-$20 each. So, we'd have to be pretty commited to try it. But, I read cloth diaper wearers are easier to potty train. And, if we have another infant, we'd only have some replacement costs.

Ann, I know you're with me on this!

(I still have to convince Bryan. He is completely disgusted by any mention of diapers.)

7 months along...

We're 7 months along! Thinking through what we've done in the last month to prepare for Brett to come home, it has been a lot of nesting! A lot of preparing for a baby, and thinking through how we will parent our child. And a lot less paperwork and adoption-specific stuff, which has been a nice change!

Paperwork stuff:

• Submitted our application and life books to Adoption Associates in Michigan.
• Applied for another grant (Pray! We'll be finding out about this one in a couple weeks.)

Fun stuff:

Bryan is building a bookcase/toy shelf, which we will also be using as Brett's dresser for a while.

My brother and sister-in-law, who have 3 boys, gave us 10 bags of hand-me-downs! (size NB-2T) Here's some of it:

The rest of it, I have already washed and put away.Bryan's brother and sister-in-law sent Brett this cute outfit! The significance is that Bryan's jersey number was always 33 when he played football in high school and college.

The mobile! This has been a point of contention since we found ones for your favorite professional team. Bryan wanted Packer, I wanted Twins, and probably would have compromised for Brewers, since it would have at least been baseball! But then I found this one on clearance. The lime green and bear fit so well with everything else, I didn't care it was football! Bryan approved, but thinks it should play a fight song instead of Brahm's Lullaby!

Taking advice from mothers of newborns, I've been getting my rest... (and Rocky has been enjoying her spot on my lap while it lasts!)

Two more fun things I've been up to, but I think they're deserving of separate posts....

In God we trust?

Why do our dollar bills say, "In God we trust" on them, when our culture (us included!) really puts trust in the good ol' dollar?

I have not written much about the finances of our adoption. But I want to share a little about our situation in order to give honor to God's faithfulness. There have been lots of things that have happened in the last 6 months. Some I have shared on our blog, some I have not. But, to put it simply, we thought we were financially prepared for our adoption, and it turned out we were not. We had put our trust in our savings account! Isn't it just like God to to make it blatantly obvious that He is our provider, and has everything under control?

Last week, we were interviewed for a grant through the MICAH fund. Quoting from their website: "The MICAH Fund exists to glorify God by promoting the adoption of American black and black biracial infants and children by providing financial grants for qualified adopting couples who live in Minnesota and surrounding cities. In addition, the MICAH Fund seeks to support its families through education and fellowship opportunities." And the MICAH fund is going to help to place Brett in our home! We were approved for a grant! The grant is a huge blessing, and being connected with other Christian bicultural families is going to be a wonderful resource! Bryan is ecstatic (and it takes a lot for Bryan to be ecstatic!) because one of the interviewers coaches kids football leagues just a few blocks from our home. Bryan really wants to coach!

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. Jeremiah 17:7

Haiti

My parents are on a missions trip in Haiti. They are building a school. A few weeks ago, Providence Ministries visited our church and shared the video posted below. For $70, you can sponsor a child to go to school for a year. Not only will the child receive an education, but that money is recycled through the community 4-5 times by creating jobs.



In 2003, there were 1.2 million orphans in Haiti. That same year, families from the US adopted 248 orphans from Haiti. Hmmm...maybe Brett's little brother will come from Haiti...

This picture was taken after Hurricane Noel by Providence Ministries.

what to say...what not to say

In honor of National Adoption Awareness Month, I decided I would share a little advice with my readers who have not/are not adopting. We have gotten a full range of responses when we share our adoption story with people. Sometimes there is this long awkward silence where the person we are sharing with is trying to come up with an appropriate response. I empathize, as I too was once that person!

I participate in a couple of online forums for adoptive families, and asked for their input on this post. This list is a collection of their contributions, as well as a few of our own!

What not to say:

1. "I thought you were calling to tell me you are expecting." Okay, if you are still reading our blog, you know that we are expecting!
2. "Just wait, you'll get pregnant." or "That's nice, but when are you going to have a child of your own?" First off, if you must ask, replace "of your own" with "biological child". Even Bryan slips and uses "of our own" occasionally, and it drives me crazy! It really is interesting how some folks assume an adoption announcement is an invitation for them to ask about the "fruitfulness" of our sex life! I like how one lady on a discussion forum put it: "It is just so annoying that they bring up a depressing topic when we are making an exciting announcement!"
3. "My friend adopted/tried to adopt and [insert horror story]... So, I'm guessing this is like telling someone who just announced she was pregnant about your friend who miscarried.
4. "If there are so many babies, what's taking so long?" There is no shortage of children who need homes. It's true, adoption does take a long time, mosty to protect everyone involved.
5. "Aren't you afraid the birth mother will change her mind?" Once the papers are signed and the revocation period is up, a birth mother cannot change her mind. Until then, her baby is not our son.
6. These were contributed by a mother of two girls from China: "Is she yours or is she adopted?" Response: "Both." and "Are they sisters?" Response: "Yes."
7. "How much does it cost?" This one doesn't really bother us, but it does bother a lot of families.
8. Any comment/question using the phrase "real parents". Last we checked, we're pretty real! Use "biological parents" instead.
9. Any comment/question using the phrase "gave him up". This seems really subtle, but how would you like to hear someone gave you up? I've heard adult adoptees say this about themselves, and I think it's sad. Instead, try "placed him in a loving home" or "gave him a family" or "made an adoption plan."
10. "What if he has a health problem?" Again, would it be appropriate to say this to a pregnant mother?

What to say:

1. "Congratulations!"
2. "Do you know the gender?"
3. "Where are you adopting from?"
4. "What interested you in adopting from [country]?
5. "What about a name?"
6. "How exciting!"
7. "Are you nesting yet?"
8. "Will you travel?"
9. If the child is not from the same culture, "What are you learning about his culture?" and "How do you plan to celebrate his culture in your home?"
10. "Do you know how old he will be when he comes home?"

National Adoption Awareness Month

November is National Adoption Awareness Month!

Here are some ways to celebrate (besides adopting a child!):

• Donate a children's book about adoption to your local school or library. Here are a few suggestions: Shaoey and Dot by Chapman, Stellaluna by Cannon, We Adopted You, Benjamin Koo by Girard, and Over the Moon by Katz.
• Attend a community event celebrating adoption on November 17th! Find one near you at: National Adoption Day
• Write an editorial about adoption and submit it to your local paper.
• Encourage your church to recognize National Adoption Awareness Month.
• Make a financial contribution to an adoption foundation or a family who is adopting. Here are just a few that I know enough about to feel comfortable suggesting: One Dollar Adoption, The MICAH Fund, The LYDIA Fund, Shaohannah's Hopes, and The Dave Thomas Foundation.
• Consider doing respite foster care or volunteering at a crisis nursery.
• Learn about positive adoption language.
• Advocate for equitable adoption benefits at your place of employment.
• Pray for orphans around the world and increase your awareness at Cry of the Orphan.

This video is about 15 minutes long, and it's geared toward church leadership, but it's good!

waiting

We're officially waiting to be matched with Brett. All our paperwork (for now!) is turned in and we sent 10 life books to our agency in Georgia. Debbie (the nice lady that directs the African American program) sent out our books to adoption consultants around the state on Thursday. The adoption consultants will show them to the expectant mothers who are making adoption plans for their baby boys.


How does the matching process work? Well, we filled out a five page worksheet that would help the agency determine which expectant mothers to show our book to. It asked tons of questions about what kinds of "situations" we would consider (ie. only boys and a few other limitations). If an expectant mother chooses us from the life books (hopefully she will have a few families to choose from), the agency will call us and give us specific information about her situation. Then Bryan and I can either agree to the situation or tell the agency it's not the situation for us. This will all hopefully happen before the baby is born.


Every state has different laws about what happens after the baby is born. In Georgia, the woman can relinquish her parental rights 24 hours after the birth of the baby. However, she can change her mind for the next 10 days and the baby will be returned to her. During the 10 days, the baby is in private foster care. After the 10 days is when Bryan and I would travel to adopt the baby!


Here is an updated "paper pregnancy" photo:

Eighteen pounds gained!

happy halloween

Halloween happened to land on Wednesday - SAY Yes! day - this year! Costumes, games, face painting, pumpkin carving, pizza...I'm not sure who had more fun - the kids or the adults!!!

(portions of the images have been blurred)

We had a guest kitchen manager-Rocky!

missing the bump

Something very strange happened the other morning as I was waking up. In my delirious state, I instinctively reached down to feel Brett in my stomach. But there was no "bump" on which to place my hand! Brett feels like such a part of me! But I am missing the bump.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the courageous woman who is carrying Brett in her tummy. Does she have swollen ankles? Weird cravings? Is she always exhausted? What is she thinking and feeling every time Brett jabs her in her ribs? Does she have a hard time finding clothes that fit? Will she have a difficult labor? Will she always have stretch marks as a reminder of her sacrifice? How selfless it is to carry a child for nine months and choose to give her baby a family who is more prepared to parent him! It would have been so much easier for her to choose to abort him...but, instead, she is choosing to give him life and a family. Even if I never get to meet her, she will always have a special place in my heart-for carrying my little miracle, who has already beaten the odds!

One advantage to pregnancy over adoption: my ticker at the top of the page would be counting down rather than up!

6 months along...

We are 6 months along! So far, technically, we have not waited even one day for a child yet. This entire 6 months we have been working to fulfill the requirements to be eligible to adopt (about 3 months the result of our change of plans).

But we are getting very close to being eligible to be matched with a child! Since there is no way to predict when our son is coming, we have the challenge of being prepared to become momma and daddy within a couple weeks, and at the same time being prepared for a long wait. My good friend, who I am "paper pregnant" with, always says, "I'm pregnant! I just don't know if I'm in my first, second, or third trimester!"

Here's what we've been up to over the last month:

• Home study revised from Liberia to the US (completed last week)


• Sent out an application to An Open Door Adoption Agency in Georgia (last Friday)


• Put together a Life Book about what life will be like as a Wedan for potential birth mothers to view. (Ann, I really could have used your help! What a nightmare!)


• Applied for a grant to help cover some of the costs.
• Registered at target and amazon.com
• Window treatments! New fauxwood blinds from Grandma and Grandpa "Ardie"!


• I made a coordinating diaper bag with left over fabric.


• Bryan won a sleepy football for Brett on ebay.
• Reading: In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories by Simon and Roorda


• Reading: Insightful Parenting by my boss Dr. Steve Kahn. (Highly recommended!)


• Reading up on proper hair and skin care for Brett.


• Praying, praying, praying for our son!

Three smelly boys in the back seat...

...all priceless treasures to God.

In September, we took the SAY Yes! kids on a field trip to a basketball game. Bryan and I ended up with 3 boys in our car. They were all a little smelly, and a little dirty...as any 7- or 8- year-old boy should be. They were all hyper and loud and adorably annoying...as 7- and 8-year-old boys should be.

Three smelly boys in the back seat...

...one is black, one is hispanic, one is white...

...all priceless treasures to God.

My heart aches as I think about the value our culture places on these children, based on race alone. I have never come across more "black and white" evidence of this until we started to research domestic adoption programs. The economics of supply and demand have a disheartening reality. While, we are not "paying" for a baby, we quickly learned that many agencies have different fee scales set up based on the race of the child. A couple who seeks to adopt a healthy Caucasian infant, can expect to pay the full fee, and wait an average of about 18 months-2 years. A couple who seeks to adopt a not-100%-white, not-black infant can also expect to pay the full fee, but probably will not have to wait as long. Many agencies put black and part-black babies in the "hard-to-place" or "special needs" category, where there is a discounted fee scale, and a shorter time to wait. Some agencies even go so far as to have a discounted rate for the part-black program, and an even more discounted rate for the 100% black program. I'm not talking a few hundred dollars. I'm talking about thousands of dollars.

Yet, there are other agencies that find this practice unethical and degrading. Their fees are the same for any child, regardless of race. And they encounter the problem of searching desperately to find a family who will adopt a "hard-to-place" black baby. That baby is sometimes, as a result, placed in foster care or adopted internationally to a family in Canada or Europe.

Three smelly boys in the back seat...

...one is white, one is not-black, one is black...

...all priceless treasures to God.

All of this is quite difficult to stomach. We are talking about our son! How do we resolve this in our hearts and minds? We live in a race conscious society. We cannot escape it. We cannot pretend it does not exist. In our society, being white is the most "desirable", being not-black is better than being black, and being black is the least "desirable".

(The fact that Bryan and I are alarmed by this is testiment to the fact that we enjoy the privilege of being white.)

I do not blame adoption agencies. They are responding to the demands of the consumer. I hope and believe that their intention is to find loving homes for all children regardless of their race.

Bryan and I fully expect to face opposition from people of all racial backgrounds who think transracial adoption is wrong. And there are some compelling arguments for the challenges that we will face in bring up a healthy strong black man. And Brett is not choosing to have white parents.

But just because it is going to be challenging doesn't mean it is wrong. After all, our example is Christ, and Arin, Seven, and Jaime (the three smelly boys in the back seat) are all priceless treasures to God.

this ain't your momma's play pen...

Cruise through the baby department at any department store, and you will find endless "gadgets" advertised as "must haves". For the expectant first-time mother it can be quite intimidating! You want to give your baby everything, but, come on! Do you really NEED all this stuff? Where are you going to store all of it?

About a month ago, I started to shop around for a play pen...which is more recently known as a "pack'n'play", and the newest hip term is "play yard". Basically, a portable crib. This I knew we would need because we like to spend the weekends at our parents, not to mention, when we are adopting our son, we will need to stay at a hotel with him for at least a week.

I came across the 2007 Combi Travel Solutions Play Yard DX in Mocha, complete with all the bells and whistles, and a hefty price tag.

And it was basically love at first sight.

Fortunately, I have connections in high places (grandparents and great grandparents) who think Brett only deserves the best!

It came in the mail yesterday, and I have been tinkering with my new gadget ever since! Let me give you a tutorial.

Here is the play yard. The side has removable storage pockets.

This is a view of the detachable changing table. It can be flipped...

...over to the side...

...and provide additional storage!

The play yard comes complete with push-button low-glow light, music, and vibration. Here's my favorite part:

It includes a full rocking bassinet! The bassinet can be taken apart for travel or storage.

The bassinet has a detachable canopy with detachable/interchangeable toys.

The bassinet can sit on it's rocking pedestal (with additional storage), or be carried around the house...

...or attached inside the play yard (and utilize the light/music/vibration feature)!

Not to mention that I got it on sale!

Thanks Grandma and Grandpa "Sitka" and Grandma E!