the middle child

I noticed the last 4 posts have highlighted Brett, and it has been even more since The Middle Child has been highlighted! But it's not because she's not being adorable. Take a look at my photo files and you will see they are heavily weighted in her favor.

Lydia just turned 14 months and she seems to be making a quick transition from baby to toddler (having a baby brother will do that). She loves to do everything Brett does, and makes sure to let us know when something isn't fair! She says several words including cat, dog, ball, banana (nana), all done, help me, up, shoes, and...poop. (I'm so proud!) She loves to dance, watch TV, look at books, climb on everything, and pretend she's an elephant. She had her first swimming lesson last week and loved it!

The rest of these pictures were taken at the Children's Museum. My parents got us a membership for the year, and we are making good use of it! The first two pictures are at the bubbles station and the last two are in the "Habitot" exhibit. What a lot of fun!

40 minutes

I've timed myself a few times, so I can start to plan ahead a bit, and forty minutes is about how long it takes for me to get out of the house solo+3. That doesn't include getting ready for the day or feeding anyone (our morning routine takes 1.5-2 hours!) It is just changing 3 diapers, going to the bathroom myself, checking the diaper bag, putting on 3 coats, 2 hats, one snowsuit, and 3 pairs of shoes, two trips to the car with kids, buckling 3 into car seats, and putting a stroller in the car.The loading and unloading of kids and strollers has gotten much easier since Bryan removed one of the seats in our car. I have room to get all the kids in the car and out of the cold while I am buckling them in one by one, and I don't have to remove a car seat to pack the triple stroller.

Of coarse along the way, I have a million interruptions. A lot of time could be saved if I had the power to put two children on "pause" while I got one ready - and that includes bowel movements - by the time the third diaper is changed, too frequently, I have to go back and change the first again!

The other day while I was getting everyone ready, the phone rang. A lot of times, I don't answer the phone, but I was expecting a call, so I answered. I heard a series of beeps and thought it was an automated call until I also heard the babbles of a toddler. I hung up, slightly amused that some other mom out there did not have control over her 2 year old.

When I went to put Brett's coat on, I discovered that he was playing with my cell phone in the other room. HE was the one who called me!

update

Brett's appointment went well yesterday! Thank you for your prayers.

In order to see the geneticist before August, we had to schedule through the eye clinic. So, even though we feel we have a good understanding and plan of attack with our eye specialist, our first appointment of the day was with an eye specialist. It was difficult, and there were some tears, but the doctor was able to do a thorough examination of his eyes. She was of the same opinion regarding treatment - that his cataracts are currently not significant enough to take the risks involved with surgery. So, it was nice to have a second opinion, same as the first!

Our next appointment was with the geneticist. She performed a brief physical exam, looked over what we have about his biological history, and observed him in action for a few minutes. Her recommendation was not to do any genetics testing at this time, as she did not feel any of the information she currently had indicated a genetic disorder. Instead, related to his speech delay and some concerns we have about his behavior, she recommended that we get his hearing assessed and have some psychological and learning testing done. She confirmed my suspicion that school districts only have the capacity to serve kids with very significant delays, so even though Brett didn't "qualify", he would likely benefit from some therapy sought privately.

It was also recommended that we get Reggie in to the eye doctor.

This leads me to the question: What does it cost to have one expert refer you to three other experts? And will we gain anything there? (just voicing a little frustration)

The good news is there were no surprises.

it is probably nothing...

But it could be something, and that's why I'm so anxious.

Even though it was only two years ago that I was working as a school counselor, it seems like it was a lifetime ago. I was often in the position of having conversations with parents that would indicate to them that their child was not functioning "normally" in the classroom.

And now the tables have in a sense turned. It is now my child that does not appear to be developing "normally". While Bryan seems to be handling this with ease, I am finding it to be quite painful. I think the reason is Bryan is sure it is nothing, and I seem to be preparing for the worst (hmm...that's an odd role-reversal).

At Brett's 2-year check-up, I mentioned to his doctor that I was concerned about his language development, fully expecting to hear a "all children develop at different rates" speech. But instead, she recommended getting him assessed through the school district. Okay, that seemed reasonable. Brett was getting a little finger prick when his doctor called me back into the examining room. She said she had consulted with her supervising doctor, and they felt I should take Brett to the U of M Genetics Clinic for some testing. She said she thought it would be a good idea since there seems to be multiple issues going on (heart murmur, cataracts, and language delay) and due to the fact that we have very limited information about his biological history.

After talking it over with Bryan, we honestly didn't understand why it was necessary, so we put off making the appointment. We went forward with the assessment through the school district, and their results indicated exactly what we have observed: that his receptive language seems to be about average, but his expressive language is delayed - but not to a point where the school district would provide services.

Brett's doctor was persistent to the extent that the Genetics Clinic actually called us to schedule an appointment. So we did. We are unclear as to what we expect to learn from the appointment, or what exactly they will be looking for. The appointment is this coming Tuesday, and we've been told to be prepared for it to last at least 4 hours. I'd really appreciate prayers that Brett would be able to tolerate the examinations (he has a hard time sitting still and it has previously required exam under anesthesia), and that any results we receive would indicate a clear direction to go from here if necessary.

cute, not-so-cute

Cute: Not-so-cute (but still picture-worthy):

musical beds

It feels like we've been playing a game of musical beds since Reggie came home (actually, since Lydia - our cosleeper- was born- but that's another story...).

If you have not been to our house, let me describe the layout. It is a small circa 1927 home with two stories and a finished basement. The first floor has a kitchen, living room, dining area, and medium-sized bedroom. The second floor has a master bedroom, small bedroom, and bathroom.

I've never been crazy about having kids on the first floor, while we are on the second floor, especially since we've had our home broken into (thankfully, we were not home at the time). Had life gone according to our plan, we would have moved sometime after the first child and before the third child. But we're still here, and making things work with a little game of musical beds!

Before we welcomed Reggie into our family, Brett and Lydia were sharing the upstairs bedroom. It was a little crowded, but it worked out okay. There was no way we could fit a third crib in that room, so once Reggie grew out of the bassinet (in our room), with no other option, we moved Brett and Lydia to the first floor bedroom, and Reggie got the second floor bedroom to himself.

Around Christmas, Brett started expressing his inner acrobat, and we determined it was time for a big boy bed. Reggie's crib converts to a toddler bed, so last weekend, Reggie's bed moved downstairs for Brett, and Brett's bed became Reggie's bed.

We discovered the first two nights after the transition were too good to be true when by the third night Brett was enjoying his freedom a little too much and significantly disrupting Lydia's sleep. Thursday night, Brett ended up in the pack'n'play in our bedroom (which is always set up for naps and situations such as this) of which he climbed out of every ten seconds until he was finally too tired to climb out again.

We figure Brett needs his own room until the new-found freedom wears off. So, last night Bryan moved the mattress of Brett's/Reggie's bed down, and Lydia slept in Reggie's room, and Reggie slept in the pack'n'play in our room! I think this will be the arrangement at least for the next few weeks. Sometime soon, we anticipate making the second floor bedroom Lydia's bedroom, and the first floor bedroom the boys' room. I haven't told Bryan yet that I want Lydia's crib to remain her crib, which will require disassembling and reassembling two cribs.

We are of the opinion that cribs are very poorly designed and are certainly not built to endure the rough treatment they get from our toddler son. But I think by the time we are done with cribs, Bryan, who has reconstructed one of ours already, will have the expertise to design a high-quality crib free from concern of recall.

And then maybe we can move.

color matters

I, for one, am not colorblind. And I'm not talking about confusing a gray shirt for a navy shirt. I notice when my sons are the only Black children at an event, I notice when I am the only White person in a crowd. In fact, I'm pretty sure that when I meet someone, I register the color of their skin almost as quickly as I register their gender.

But does color matter? Absolutely, and not at all.

Unaware of the challenges we will face, I think many well-meaning potential adoptive Caucasian couples go into adoption, saying, "We'll love our baby if he's purple with yellow spots!" And it's true. Families who choose a transracial adoption do love our children regardless of the color of their skin. But no amount of love for our children will make our society colorblind.

So far for us as a transracial family, race has mostly just been a bit of an inconvenience in two ways: (1) Even in our diverse city, we get noticed, and lots of people like to make our family their business; and (2) I can't call Mom to ask her advice about skin/hair issues with my boys.

But we know many challenges lie ahead for us. Although Brett is unable to communicate it with us, I'm sure he is starting to notice differences in skin color and hair texture. Even now, we must be conscientious about what he takes in regarding race, and more specifically his race, as we are out and about, or watching television.

And while we can't, and shouldn't, guard our sons from the reality that people will make judgements about them based on the color of their skin, we need to be extra diligent as they grow that they gain a positive and genuine identity in their Black culture.

I know all those of like faith are saying to their computer screens, "But our identity is in Christ, not the color of our skin..." Amen! (Galatians 3:28 says, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.") Color does not matter to God, and in a world free of sin, I believe we would not have to deal with issues of race. But we need to prepare our children to function successfully in our world as it is: a fallen world, where, among other things, color matters.

And, having no understanding of what it is like to be Black, how are we going to do that? By first admitting that we can't. Alone. It is going to take a lot of humility, prayer, support, resources, and plenty of being willing to be a little uncomfortable.

We have a lot to learn, but for any readers who are considering transracial adoption, or have adopted transracially and are looking for some resources, here are some books I've read that I've found to be helpful:
In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories ~ Rita J. Simon, Rhonda M. Roorda. This book is a collection of mostly African American and Biracial adult adoptees telling their stories through interviews about what it was like growing up and how they view issues related to transracial adoption as adults. We read it while we were adopting Brett, when we could still back out - and it crossed my mind. Parts of it were very painful to read, but I think every caucasian family considering adopting a black child (domestic or international) should read it.

I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World: A Guide for Parents and Teachers~ Marguerite A. Wright This book provides information about how children develop awareness about race. Aside from being informative, it also provides many amusing anecdotal stories about children who come to realize they can't just paint their skin a different color! It is not specifically intended for transracial families, but I've found it to be helpful. For example, it didn't catch me off-guard at all when my 3-year-old nephew asked me, "Why is him brown?" It also talks a lot about society's impact on how we view race.

The Black Parenting Book: Caring for Our Children in the First Five Years~ Allison Abner, Linda Villarosa, Anne C. Beal This book I just happened to see when we were at the library a couple months ago. Honestly, I was hoping to gain some new information related to hair and skin care, but didn't learn much, other than that it's okay to use crisco? The book is authored by three professional black mothers and it's intended for other black mothers. Much of the book has similar information to other books I've read related to caring for small children. There are sections related specifically to raising our children to have a positive image and how to face adversity. I appreciated the insight into black culture and gained a better understanding of the importance of community.

One statement in this book that struck me was, "The most successful African Americans are those who are bicultural. They are steeped in their racial identity but know how to interact in our society's predominantly white culture." From my experience, I would tend to agree with this statement. I think for us, it will be pretty natural for our boys to assimilate into white culture, but the challenge will be for us to give them the tools they need to interact in black culture. My hope is that all my children will belong to diverse social groups. Bryan and I still need to work on this one - it is easier to say than to do.

5 months old

Reggie is 5 months old!

The biggest news this month is Reggie's birthfather's rights were terminated last week! This step was the biggest obstacle we had in our finalization process, as up to that point, Reggie's birthfather had a legal right to contest his adoption. From here on out, it's just more paperwork and waiting for our day in court here in Minnesota.

It is fun to see Reggie's personality emerging. He's quite the charming little man, complete with expressive eyes, huge smiles, and passionate "conversation"!

Reggie sits supported quite well and is working hard to master control over those wild arms, hands, and fingers. He is not rolling over yet, probably because he prefers being on his tummy. He has started eating rice cereal.

Reggie is showing more interest in toys. He enjoys his activity mat and the exersaucer. He also likes watching football with Dad, but I think he'll make the transition to hockey just fine now that The Pack is out. He mostly just enjoys being at the center of activity in our busy household! And we are thrilled to have him in our family.

gameday

celebrating at grandmas'

Opening gifts at Great Grandma's in Iowa
Snack time with cousins!
Reggie sitting on Papa's lap

Creating a manger scene with stickers

Five Wedan cousins, one on the way.

Big smiles for Cousin Grace

Sledding where it's warm

Tubing in the cold, cold, cold!!!

Brett wrestling with his "country cousin"!

Lydia's first piano lesson

Helping Papa make his famous pancakes

Lydia "painting"

Brett painting

We celebrated Christmas in four states, spent 25 hours in the car and 7 nights in Grandmas' beds, encountered one massive blizzard and subzero temps. Surrounded by loved ones, including our three miracles, it was obvious to see that we are truly blessed.