chemistry

This week we celebrated 20 years of marriage.  

No big trips, just dinner and drinks.  No gift exchange, just cards.  

I suppose that is a product of the season of life in which we find ourselves.  All of our time and money is consumed by our children.  But it is also fitting that our anniversary would be so understated.  It was an ordinary day among thousands (7,300) of ordinary days.  I woke up by myself, Bryan was already at work.  Coffee was already made and waiting for me, along with a card propped up next to it.  The next hour and a half would be spent getting kids where they needed to go.  I had the day off from work, so I spent it doing errands, catching up on laundry, and in the garden.  Then there was the after school frenzy before we could get cleaned up for dinner.  

Reggie had a ballgame.  A parent tracks the game in an app.  At dinner, I resisted the temptation to check it until Bryan did.  And then I got sucked in and Bryan told me to put it away.  We talked about why our marriage still works after twenty years.  I had a a few bullet points, already thinking about how I would weave it into conversations with our kids.

• Choose wisely.  (I'm pretty sure I used the word "logical".)
• Have shared values.
• Have realistic expectations.
• Be committed for the long haul.
• Anticipate lots of "rainy days".

Makes you want to sign right up, huh?

Bryan interrupted me.  My bullet list was incomplete.  There's something that's hard to put into a bullet point, but you know if you have it or if you don't.  It might start with a physical attraction but that's just part of it.  It's a mutual connection that can't be forced or manufactured.  We can't create it, but we can nurture it.  And it's what can pull a marriage through the thousands of ordinary days and the rainy ones, too.

When I was single, I had a grandma that would ask me about the boys in my life.  "Well, there's this one guy..." I'd say, and I would continue on until she would interrupt.

"But is there chemistry?" 

I could finally say, "Yes", when I met Bryan.

• Chemistry.