"openness" in adoption

Almost a year ago, Bryan and I attended an adoption fair at our church. They had a panel made up of all members of the adoption "triad" (adoptive families, birth families, adoptees). The discussion topics quickly came to one of the most sensitive and controversial issues in domestic adoption today-"openness" in adoption. To be honest, this issue was our number one reason for not choosing to adopt domestically from the start, partly due to the discussion that night, that made us quite uncomfortable with "openness" in adoption.

"Openness" in adoption refers to the degree of a relationship between the members of the adoption triad before and after the adoption takes place. In the US, adoptions were primarily relative or community connections until the late 19th century when orphan trains began. From there, adoptions where closed, meaning no information was exchanged between the adoption triad, and they were completely confidential through the 1960's. In the 1970's, there were lots of changes in adoption, much to do with the legalization of abortion, and an increased acceptance of single parenting. "Open" adoptions started to take place, and increased in popularity in the 1980's and 1990's.

Everybody has a different opinion about "openness" in adoption, including Bryan and myself! Everything I read and hear about "openness" in adoption seems to be thick with an effort to coerce me into believing someone's agenda, which is why, atypical to most of my posts, I am not including any statistics. I can't seem to find any that seem "neutral".

What I think about "openness" in adoption is based on these beliefs:

• A woman/birth family is experiencing a great loss. When I have experienced loss in my life, at first, I really felt a need to stay connected, and as time went on, I went through the healthy stages of grief, and did not feel such a need to connect. I wonder if a lot of women/birth families like the idea of staying connected at first, but later on, need to grieve, heal, and move on with life.
• You probably won't hear this from an adoption agency, but many women/birth families do not want continued contact.
• "Openness" in adoption is a continuum. The only completely "closed" adoptions are ones where an agency arbitrarily select an adoptive family for a baby, and there is absolutely no disclosure of information between the triad. An adoption where the birth family chooses the adoptive family from "non identifying" information (our profile) is considered "semi-open". An adoption where the birth family becomes an extension of the adoptive family, potentially attending birthday parties, etc. is considered "fully open".
• Here's the biggest one for me: What is best for Brett? In my opinion, it lies somewhere in the "semi-open" range of the spectrum. I know Brett is going to be curious about his birth family, and I think his history should be honored, not a secret.
• We will go outside of what is comfortable for us to do what is best for our son.
• We will not dive head-first into the latest "trend" in "openness" in adoption, as we believe boundaries are a good thing.

That's my opinion. Bryan is free to post his!

Blogger's note: I am completely frustrated with my blog deciding how it wants to format itself, but don't know how to fix it...